If only you knew
by Babydollloveshim
Summary: Oneshot. Mello comes home drunk and confesses to Matt. Will he decide to be with Matt or leave him? Warnings: Yaoi Matt X Mello


_**Disclaimer: I don't own Deathnote. **_

_Matt_

I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw the blonde slamming the bedroom door close. Mello cocked his head gently as he casually leaned against the wall, his icy blue gems glaring at me with anxiety.

The moment that he had stepped through that door, I knew he was drunk. Whiskey hung dearly onto his breath as he staggered towards me; his half-lidded eyes veiled his beautiful cerulean gems.

"_Matty. Why don't we play a game_?" He slurred, violently grabbing my wrists, as he shoved me towards the wall before he pinned them above my head. I winced slightly at the sudden contact but I did not even think of retaliating. A drunken Mello is a very violent and mordacious Mello. Anxiety washed over me as I tried to anticipate his next move.

"Mello, have you been drinking?" Of course he had! What a stupid question to ask but I _just_ had to ask. Instead of answering me, he ignored my question as he released my fragile wrists, peering right into the emerald windows of my soul. Something in his hard ultramarine eyes hinted to me that even though he was drunk, he actually knew what he was doing. However, Mello had always been the type of person that abhorred kinship. He would not even lay a finger on me nonetheless, right now, he had actually done it.

"_Matt_-y," He whispered, invading my nose with the stench of distilled spirits as he tightly wrapped his hard muscular arms around my tiny waist, pulling me closer towards him. The awkward tension that hung over us was steadily rising as he flashed me a smirk; the very same smirk that I had fallen in love with since the day we first met. I felt my muscles relaxing as he tenderly caressed my cheek before slowly lifting my chin; our noses barely an inch apart.

I could feel the warmth radiating from his body as his lips lightly brushed my mouth. Suddenly, he pressed his pink lips against mine, his eyelids fluttering close.

I froze; literally. I did not know what to do. Mello had never ever kissed me. I could only dream to imagine such a wonderful sensation coursing through my body.

I felt his wet tongue brushing against my lips, demanding entrance, sending my fast beating heart racing with desire. It was an unfamiliar but delightful sensation. Everything around us seemed to disappear; our hearts were beating as one as he kissed me. It was amazing: somehow, indescribable.

Out of curiosity, I let my lips part slightly as he invaded my mouth. A tingle ran up my spine as we fought for dominance, gradually deepening the kiss. I tangled my bony hand with his soft blonde locks, earning a soft moan from him.

He tasted like whiskey and chocolate, with the latter being stronger. It was not a wonder as to how the chocolate overpowered the whiskey since he was always nibbling on that little piece of chocolate of his.

I felt a brush creep up my cheeks as I recalled how adorable he looked when he was defending his precious chocolate; I had wanted to kiss him longer: If not for the realisation that I was running out of breath.

"Mello," I whispered as I planted a soft kiss onto his cheeks. He entwined his hands with mine, as he planted tiny kisses onto my neck, leaving visible signs that this had was not a figment of our imaginations; not just a wild fantasy of our sweetest dreams.

His hands ran up my well-built chest: his electrifying touch sent shivers down my spine.

I grunted as he took no time to unbuckle my pants, releasing me from the agonizing tightness of my pants. His eyes widened at the sight of my hard on. I would not blame him; I was blessed with God's gift.

I tried my hardest to stifle a moan as his mouth engulfed the head of my dick. It was _mind_-_blowing_. I could even feel butterflies fluttering within me. He bobbed his head at a constant pace, occasionally stopping to kiss its head.

His tongue trailed across the side of my dick before he gently nipped on it.

"H-hey, don't tease," I mewed as I trusted my hips forward, yenning the thought of being deep inside him. His free hand cupped my balls gently as he gradually increased his pace. My heart raced with desire; desire that I did not even know existed. I was a mess of moans and whimpers as he deep throated me, using his free hand to pleasure whatever could not fit into him.

"_Mmm_ – _Ahh_, M-_mello_, "_Man_. How long has he been this good? If I had known, I would have already done him long ago. Maybe that was a lie but it did not matter.

All that mattered was Mello and me.

I felt a knot tighten in my stomach and before I knew it, my warm seeds exploded into his mouth, seeping from the side of his mouth before he lapped it up.

My knees buckled and just as I was about to collapse, I felt his sturdy arms around me; supporting me. He settled me down on the bed before gently running his hand through my thick burgundy locks. He did not seem to care about his suffocating hard on. Instead, he pulled the blanket over me and looped his hand around my neck.

"Matty. I love you." He whispered, gazing dolefully at me: His beautiful eyes were now brimmed with tears. I could not believe it. Mello had never cried before. He would not; well, at least not when he was exposed to other humans. A tear trickled down his cheek as he kissed me silently and walked out of the room.

Maybe it was due to the overwhelming melancholy that dwelled in his azure eyes or the fact that I was light-headed but somehow, I knew that that was going to be our last kiss. Today would be our _first_ and the _last_. Mello would never leave me, would he? Not after he had confessed to me, right? Amidst all my troubled thoughts, a part of me had slipped away from consciousness, falling into a deep slumber.

_Morning_.

The jubilant fingers of the sun stretched across my body as it highlighted the streaks of red in my burgundy locks.

The velvet curtains which swept the ground secreted me from the magnificent sun but a tiny gap rendered approval for the adamant rays.

My eyes shot open. _Mello_. I glanced to my right. _Nothing_. My anxious gaze scanned the whole room and Mello was _not_ in sight. Slipping into a pair of jeans, I rushed out of the room, only to find a note neatly placed on the dining table.

_Matty._

_I love you and I always will. You are my beautiful red angel sent from heaven above. I love you with all my heart and soul; but I want you to be happy. You didn't look happy with me. I didn't want to suffocate you so I left. Each time I was angry, you were always there for me. You didn't even complain. You didn't even cry. It was difficult: Difficult to see the love of my life putting up with me. Those times when I had beaten you up, it was to remind myself that I will never love anyone. But I did. I fell for you Matty and it was a sin punishable by death. It was wrong. I hurt you and I made you sad. _

_Don't worry about me: I'm with all the lambs and chicks now. Live your life well. Don't bother about me. I just want you to be happy. So, please find your happiness. _

_Love, Mello. _

My heart literally skipped a beat as soft gentle tears welled in my emerald gems. Mello had left me. When we were at Wammy's, he once told me that when he died, he would be reunited with all his lambs and chicks. Mello was, gone? Just like that? I did not even have time to confess my feelings. I clenched my fist, crushing the only fragment I had of Mello. I could not believe it.

_I loved _Mello. He had made me happy. Just _being_ with him; shouted at, slapped or kicked, made me happy. Just to be an output for his anger was good enough. I loved Mello. I would do anything for him. Mello, why were you so foolish? But it was partly my fault too. I did not let my feelings known because I was afraid he would leave me. And he did because I didn't tell him. If only you knew, Mello. If only you knew. Everything had turned upside down. My life was ruined; literally. I could never bear to live without him. Mello, wait for me. I'll be there soon.


End file.
